"If we pray, we will believe; If we believe, we will love; If we love, we will serve."
― Mother Teresa
As a child I knew that there were things about me that were different. I was not comfortable about them. I remember at age six into seven years old I began to have vivid dreams that didn’t align with my reality in this life. I simply had a knowing that there was much more then what I was told. My parents didn’t know what to do to contain me. I was not like any other child they had ever known. My level of maturity was to say the least annoying to my mother. I grew up in a morally very conservative house hold. And yet spiritually it was as open and flowing as it could possibly be!
Brazil is spiritually and religiously a diverse culture due to the Native Indians that lived there all along, and the African slaves that were imported to Brazil by the Portuguese in the 1500 hundreds.
Both of my parents have now been gone from this plane for a number of years. When I was little my mother had a root canal that got inflamed and out of control. I believed that this happened around 1966. She developed an inflammation that slowly through a period of months got numb. The numbness in her molar and surrounding area got bigger, and bigger… The nerve damage eventually took over half of her face. Her left side was numb to the touch on the outside and the inside of her mouth, including half of her tongue. My beloved mother Aguinair would bite her tongue eating and hurt her gums flossing or brushing, since she had no feeling at all in those areas. She developed a sense of mindful eating, even though she didn’t know what that meant or what it was at the time. She had to focus when eating so that she wouldn’t hurt herself.
My mother begin trying out all kinds of medical specialists to no avail. There was nothing that they could do at that time to help her. So she began asking people around her that had heard, or gone to healers about where to go and how that worked. Since I was an only child and very mature she would take me to very strange, and in my mind amazing places where healers were performing their magic. My dad, his name was Alvaro was super shy. He would stay in the car napping or listening to the radio while she and I would wait for hours most of the time to be seen. There were so many places and mind-blowing things I got to see and feel. The pain and desperation from the people in the waiting rooms and their loved ones was something that shaped me. I connected to a certain level of compassion that is hard to describe at a very young age. Some things were heartbreaking, others were exhilarating. Sometimes we went out of state for these appointments. Mind you that in Brazil in the beginning of this journey most healers didn’t have a phone. It was a drop in deal.
Due to my mother’s hardships I was raised attending many different ceremonies in Afro-Brazilian Temples, Baptists churches with healers of all kinds, and many other experiences with metaphysical and Shamanic practitioners that I wouldn’t even know what to call. Many of them had an infusion of Christianism. It was fascinating to me always. My mom became very open-minded about religion, even though she was a Catholic. I adored visiting the Synagogue that our close friends were members of. I am blessed to have witnessed how God works in diverse ways. The beauty of how each group embrace the divinity at hand. There was something SO sacred to me about the witnessing…. the sharing of their vision of the sacred. And there it is….. it is God coming from a variety of points of views in so many colors and rays of Truth.
No matter how challenging the relationship with my parents was, this humble old soul is eternally grateful for my Mãe (Brazillian word for mom) taking me to all of those places. Being part of all of that created an activation of sorts to allow me to remember my core beliefs, and to ignite my voyage into this 3D plain. The different levels of teachings I got from these blessed spirit filled sites, molded me for the work that now I surrender to, which now with a deep sense of Service I happily embrace. It’s been a loooooooong road to get to Surrender.
My Mamãe (another word for mother) never found her healing. After I came to the US she continued traveling with my Dad for a number of years and never got her wish. After my Papai (word for dad) passed, my Mãe was at first very concerned about my new spiritual practices. I remember that in her first summer yearly visit, after I ignited my spiritual journey, she again didn’t know what to do with me. I definitely had that effect on her Lol. She spoke very broken English and understood very little. I had Reiki Shares in my house, all kinds of yogic deep practices and meaningful ceremonies, solo or community oriented. Once I got bit by the 'Spiritual Bug' it was a slippery ride. No one could or tried to hold me back successfully.
I remember her asking me when would we have more outdoor ceremonies and meditations by the pond in our backyard. Even though she didn’t understand a word that was coming from me, she felt the essence of spirit moving through me as me. The energy of the gatherings was sublime. She LOVED it! I recognize and celebrate this special bond which I cherish between us. I hold the perfection of her soul and the work that she is up to, in a different plane. I spent a long time judging my Mãe. I now choose the Beauty of her and of our sacred appointment in this life instead.
That year, I drove her by myself to Dulles airport to catch her plain back home to Brazil. She seemed very different. Truthfully I had changed so much that we were stepping into “The New” energy exchange. Once a person creates a substantial shift all of their relationships shifts as well. You can’t stop that process. It can be seemingly painful, blissful or neutral. It’s all up to the person and how he or she chooses to experience it.
After two months of being here she was very ready to go back home to her busy and very different then mine life style. And I equality was ready to have my life go back to normal. The summers were full and my children and Mãe had a special bond. I was super grateful for that! Even though she lived so far away and was here relatively a short time for a whole year, they got the best from her and vice versa. It was deeply healing for me to see the workings of love. All of the old issues and hurts little by little were healing.
At that time in the airport I could walk in with her and wait by the gate until it was time for her to get into the plane. She required a wheel chair. We sat for a couple of hours revisiting the summer with me. All of a sudden across from the large waiting room entered a group of maybe thirty freshmen college age volunteers from some Christian religious sect. They were bubbly!! She looked at them and begin to praise me for all the work that I was doing with my daughter and her healing. My daughter ignited my cracking open spiritually. My Mãe was not the kind of mom that praised me to myself. She only shared my good qualities and deeds to others. In this visit she was in awe of the severity in which our beloved Jessica was at the previous year. She talked about how strong I was to dive in and to share those gifts with others. She shared how softer I was and how the energy in my home was blissful and welcoming. She recognized the strength and the fortitude it took for me to have achieved this state. My Mamãe was crying and telling me that she never imagined the level of Service that I was now anchoring and sharing from my home, or anywhere else it was needed. She was deeply touched by the healer that was emerging in front of her eyes. Of coarse I was struck. Her usual embrace was filled with tears. Well this time we were both balling. After her plane left as I drove back home on the two hour long drive home was a sea of bewilderment and gratitude, blessed by tears of joy.
The recognition from the one human that gave me life was life transforming. This short exchange stirred me so deeply. It ignited and fueled more commitment for Self-Healing, Self-Growth, and deeper dives into the eternality of Jaque. Aguinair still lived for many more years. She had many struggles and with our entanglements I never was able to lose for a moment the exchange we had that love filled summer. The complexity of the mother and daughter relationship is for real!!
The work I did in my Conscious Pregnancy Kundalini Yoga teacher training, with Siri Neel and the Priestess Path Apprenticeshipwith ALissa Starkweather gave me oodles of opportunity for healing deep stuff with my mother and maternal lineage. Up to then I didn’t even know that was a thing! Well…. many years latter, after working with many seekers I am here to tell you it is indeed “a thing.” I am blessed with eagerness and obedience to my life’s path of evolution, and embracing the divine within me.
Have you ever considered that your spiritual path offers healing and evolution for your lineage and descendants? How is your relationship with your mother? How about the part of you that is mothering toward yourSelf?