The Teachers Who Loved Me Enough to Poke at My Armor
For me, Hummingbird carries teachings of joy, resilience, heart, adaptability, and possibility.
Some of the greatest teachers in my life did not simply make me feel comfortable. They loved me enough to help me become free.
As I prepared to share a recent video from my work, I found myself reflecting on something that feels increasingly important to me after more than two decades on this path:
None of us becomes who we are alone.
We are shaped by the people who love us, challenge us, teach us, mirror us, celebrate us ~ and sometimes lovingly disturb the places where we have become a little too comfortable inside our own stories.
I have had the grace of many teachers throughout my life.
Some were incredibly gentle.
Some were fierce.
Some seemed to possess the uncanny ability to locate the tiniest opening in my carefully constructed armor…and poke right through it.😜
At times, I welcomed it.
At other times, I am quite certain I did not.
But looking back, I can see something I could not always see while I was in the middle of it:
They were devoted to my freedom.
They were not trying to turn me into someone else.
They were helping me see the places where I had confused my protection with my identity.
And there is a profound difference.
🛡️ The Armor We Learn to Wear
I don't believe our armor is bad.
I actually believe we should honor it.
Armor often develops because at some point in our lives, we needed it.
Perhaps we learned to be strong because vulnerability did not feel safe.
Perhaps we learned to take care of everyone because being needed gave us a sense of belonging.
Perhaps we became fiercely independent because depending on someone once resulted in disappointment.
Perhaps we learned to anticipate every possible outcome because uncertainty felt dangerous.
Perhaps we became accomplished, productive, spiritual, helpful, funny, quiet, agreeable, responsible ~ or endlessly resilient ~ because those ways of being helped us navigate our world.
Our nervous systems are extraordinarily intelligent.
The body remembers what helped us survive, belong, connect, avoid pain, or maintain some sense of control.
And so I have tremendous compassion for our armor.
It served us.
But something that once protected us can eventually become something that confines us.
The walls that kept pain out can also keep intimacy out.
The independence that once saved us can make receiving difficult.
The vigilance that once kept us prepared can make rest feel uncomfortable.
The identity that once helped us belong can eventually become too small for the person we are becoming.
And sometimes the soul begins quietly whispering:
You don't need all of this anymore.
💛 When Protection Becomes a Prison
This is where the work becomes incredibly tender.
Because releasing armor is not simply deciding to "let something go."
Our minds may understand that we are safe long before our bodies believe it.
We can intellectually know that we deserve love while still bracing against receiving it.
We can understand boundaries and still feel guilty when we say no.
We can desire abundance while unconsciously preparing ourselves for loss.
We can long for intimacy while protecting the very places intimacy would need to touch.
We can want joy—and still find ourselves waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This is one reason I have become increasingly devoted to work that includes the body, rather than asking the mind to do everything.
The body has a language.
Breath has a language.
Sound has a language.
Movement has a language.
Silence has a language.
And beneath all the stories we have accumulated about who we are, there is another kind of intelligence patiently waiting to be heard.
🌿 We Don't Have to Rip the Armor Off
I have very little interest in forcing someone's armor away.
I don't believe healing needs to become another act of violence against ourselves.
I am much more interested in curiosity.
What is this protecting?
When did I first need this?
Does it still belong here?
What might become possible if this softened ~ even five percent?
There is tremendous wisdom in approaching ourselves this way.
Instead of:
What's wrong with me?
We begin asking:
What happened here, and what is this part of me trying to protect?
Instead of demanding transformation, we create the conditions where transformation becomes possible.
Sometimes the armor doesn't need to be destroyed.
Sometimes it simply needs to discover that the war is over.
🪞 The Sacred Role of the Mirror
This brings me back to my teachers.
Some of the greatest gifts they gave me were mirrors.
Not mirrors that told me who I should become.
Mirrors that helped me recognize what was already underneath everything I had accumulated.
They challenged beliefs that had become too small.
They provoked old identities.
They interrupted patterns.
They invited me beyond versions of myself that had once been necessary but were no longer true.
And yes…sometimes they triggered the heck out of me. 😂
Yet some of those uncomfortable moments became doorways.
That is why, in the video, you hear me say:
“I am here to poke and provoke your armor… I am here to mirror the power that is there when we find our truest, heart-centered self.”
I understand those words differently now than I might have twenty years ago.
The purpose is not to break someone open.
The purpose is to create enough safety, presence, compassion, and truth that perhaps they discover they no longer have to remain closed.
That distinction matters deeply to me.
🐦 Hummingbird Medicine & the Impossible Within Us
In the video, I am wearing a Hummingbird created by Indigenous artisans from Colombia, a piece that came into my life through my connection with Colombian Indigenous wisdom keepers.
Hummingbird has also been one of the animal medicines I have walked with for many years.
There is something extraordinary about this tiny being.
So small.
So seemingly delicate.
And yet remarkably capable.
For me, Hummingbird carries teachings of joy, resilience, heart, adaptability, and possibility.
Hummingbird reminds me that power does not always arrive loudly.
Sometimes power is extraordinarily light.
Sometimes it looks like joy returning.
Sometimes it is a heart becoming willing to trust again.
Sometimes it is allowing ourselves to receive.
Sometimes it is discovering that softness and strength were never opposites.
And sometimes it is allowing ourselves to imagine a life beyond the limitations of our previous conditioning.
That is why another line from the video feels so important:
“You are here to celebrate the impossible within you.”
✨ What If Your Impossible Is Actually Very Quiet?
When we hear the word impossible, we may imagine some enormous accomplishment.
But perhaps your impossible is much more intimate.
Maybe your impossible is resting without guilt.
Maybe it is saying no without writing an entire dissertation explaining why.
Maybe it is trusting yourself after years of looking outside yourself for permission.
Maybe it is allowing someone to love you without immediately wondering what they need from you.
Maybe it is receiving without rushing to reciprocate.
Maybe it is being visible.
Maybe it is creating something simply because it brings you joy.
Maybe it is allowing yourself to change your mind.
Maybe it is experiencing peace without needing to fill the silence.
Maybe it is looking into the mirror and realizing that the person you have spent years trying to become has quietly been emerging all along.
And maybe the impossible is discovering the abundance of love you are capable of giving to yourself.
🎶 Why Somatics & Sound?
This is part of what we explore through our Somatic & Sound Journey.
Somatic work invites us back into relationship with the body.
Therapeutic sound can give the thinking mind something different to experience while vibration, rhythm, breath, and awareness invite us deeper into presence.
We move.
We breathe.
We listen.
We notice.
We become curious.
We allow sound to travel through spaces where language sometimes cannot.
There is no prize for having the biggest breakthrough.
There is no requirement to have an emotional experience.
There is nothing you need to perform.
Sometimes transformation arrives as tears.
Sometimes laughter.
Sometimes a deep exhale.
Sometimes clarity.
Sometimes sensation.
And sometimes the most profound experience is simply realizing:
I feel safe enough to be here with myself.
That is enough.
🐝 I Am Still a Student
After more than two decades of healing, studying, practicing, facilitating, questioning, falling down, getting back up, being challenged, being humbled, celebrating, grieving, laughing, and being fiercely loved by some remarkable teachers, there is something I know with increasing certainty:
There is no finish line to becoming human.
I am still learning.
I am still discovering my armor.
I am still meeting parts of myself I didn't know were there.
I am still being mirrored.
I am still being humbled.
I am still being surprised.
I am still a student.
Perhaps that is precisely what allows me to continue being a guide.
I don't stand outside this work pointing toward some destination I have already conquered.
I stand inside it.
And when another human being allows me to witness their tenderness, their courage, their resistance, their awakening, their grief, their laughter, their power, or their becoming, I understand what an extraordinary privilege that is.
My teachers helped me see something beneath my armor.
Today, I have the honor of holding mirrors for others.
Not so they can become someone new.
But perhaps so they can remember more of the person who has been there all along.
And occasionally…
I may lovingly poke the armor a little. 🥰💛
🌿 Somatic & Sound Journey
🐝 Sunday, August 16 | 11:30 AM–1:30 PM
Bee Present Wellness
Through somatic practices, conscious breath, therapeutic sound, movement, and heart-centered awareness, we will create space to listen to the body, explore what may be ready to soften, and reconnect with the wisdom already living within you.
Come exactly as you are.
Bring the armor too.
We don't have to fight it.
Perhaps we can simply sit beside it, thank it for everything it has done…
and gently ask whether your heart might be ready for a little more room. 💛🐝
